Kid jokes

The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.

"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.

"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.

Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

What’s the difference between kids and drugs?

I don’t hide drugs in my basement.

Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.

When the school shooter asks the autistic kid which hostage he wants to rape, and he looks at you like 😋.

Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?

Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.

Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!

Mom: Exactly.

I got my orphan kid a phone. She was pressing the home button, but it didn't work.

What do priests and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

Me: I know why you don't have friends.

Kid: Why?

Me: Because you can't even figure that out.

I met another kid with Down syndrome the other day and attempted to talk to him. But my mom showed up and was asking me why I am talking to the mirror.

Give a blind kid a gun and tell him it's a hair dryer.

Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.

When the school shooter kills the teacher and the autistic kid declares communism

What has 4 legs and 1 arm?

A pitbull dog coming back from the kids playground.

What do you call an autistic kid that’s good at art?

Artistic.

Kid with Cancer: "When I get older, I want to be a movie star or a singer."

Nurse: *Laughs*

Kid: "Why are you laughing?"

Nurse: "When I get OLDER."

Proceeds to laugh.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep on driving. IDK.

Why does a leaf fall faster than an emo kid? Because the emo hangs itself.