Kid

Kid jokes

Name

    • One day, there were three people: a mom and two kids. One of the kids walks up and asks her mom why she was named Rose. Her mom told her that she ate a rose petal when she was born; that is why she was named Rose.

    Then the second child walked up and yelled, "Ahhhhhh!" and the mom said, "Shut up, Billy Goat!"

  • 1

    • Orphan

    • Me calling the orphan kid from school: "Hello, are your parents home?"

    The orphan kid: *starts sobbing* "STOP CALLING HERE!"

    Saxophone

    • I play saxophone, and I like to tell everyone I am a registered s/o (short for saxophone operator) in hopes of one day starting a jazz band, but now everyone looks at me weird, and when I go to house parties to perform, everyone hides their children, but little do they know I LOVE children. For some reason, I got multiple restraining orders because I said, “I want to touch the kids so they can one day become musicians themselves... like Michael Jackson.” I have then since moved from my hometown to Florida, where I can meet up with other s/o’s, and surprisingly, they have similar stories to me, but they say they have never even touched a saxophone, but they do like touching kids, which I’m all down for, just me and my buddies showing the new youth their abilities.

    Update: i figured out what they meant by s/o is not the same as my s/o :(

  • 1
    • Kid memes

    Orphanage

    • A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"

    The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."

  • 1

    • Sleep

    • This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.

    Strap

    • You're walking into a bar and you see 2 younger kids around 18. You call the manager to have them removed, but no one came down.

    Later that night, you see the 2 18-year-olds, 1 was a girl and the other was a boy, so you call the manager down. No one came again. You confront them and tell them to leave, but one turns around and hits you. You are knocked out on the floor. When you wake up, there is a hard feeling in your a**. You turn your head around and there is an autistic girl with a strap-on in your a** going full on hard.

  • 1

    • Class

    • If a special ed kid is late to class, is it okay to call me a little tardy?

  • 2

    • Leaf

    • A leaf and an emo kid fall from a tree, who made it to the floor first?

    The leaf. The emo kid was caught on a rope.

  • 0

    • House

    • You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.

    Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.

  • 1

    • Dick

    • BULLY vs. QUIET KID

    Bully: I bet your dick is as small as a Tic Tac.

    Quiet Kid: That's why your mom's breath smells so good.

    QUIET KID WINS