Kid jokes

Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

What do you call an elite bungee jumper? An emo kid.

"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"

Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.

What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?

When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!

What does an orphan and a lost kid have in common?

They have no way home.

Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.

Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.

Bully: Have you ever heard of a brain?

Stupid kid: No.

Bully: You should go get one!

Stupid kid: Wwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

Store owner: You have to be 40 inches tall to go into the adult section.

Kid: Please.

Store owner: Oh okay, but get on your tippy toes.

Kid: Everybody is hugging.

Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.

He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.

Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.

Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?

A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.

I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!

Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.

He never sees his kids.

"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.