Kid jokes

A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!

"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”

I was walking home when I saw children crossing the street on their own. I went towards him and tapped his shoulder and said, "Hey, little kid, you are not supposed to be walking on your own." The kid turns out to be a dwarf.

What if some kid was like, "I'm going to shoot up the school!", and then someone just pulls up with a reverse card?

I asked this disabled kid what his favorite TV show is. He looked at me blankly and said "My favorite TV show is Vegetales."

The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.

He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.

What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?

They both have special needs.

Why can't fat kids change a tire?

They would eat the donut.

"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."

Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?

He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.

What do Israel and Epstein have in common?

"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."

I got hired to work as a camp counselor for kids with ADHD, but I got fired. I guess I shouldn't have introduced myself with "Welcome to concentration camp".

Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?

Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!

Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?

Kid 2: No!

I asked a kid why he was so blue.

Didn't realize his parents were choking him out.

Are you a school bus? Because I want to fill you with kids.

Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.

He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.

What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?

"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."

What do you call a disabled kid's sweat?

VEGETABLE OIL!

Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.