Kid jokes
Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.
Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!
Wife: Kid?
Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?
I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.
Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?
They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.
An Indian kid walked into the shop and had a curry down because they had no naan bread in stock.
What do you call a kid with autism who saw Star Wars?
Chewbacca.
No offense to anyone though. I don’t understand why everyone is bullying a person named Gwen?
My opinion is well “it’s just a regular person wanting to do jokes. You never know. It could be an adult or a kid.”
So leave her alone. Thank you. 😁
What did the make-a-wish kid say when the Avengers turn up without Tony Stark?
"We are in the endgame now!"
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
Why did the kid go in the guy's van?
Answer: He thought he was being adopted.
Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
What did the emo say to the popular kid?
"Go fuck yourself for thinking all emos cut because they don't... y'know, for a matter of fact, fuck all you guys..."
So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.
The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"
Parent: Have you seen your sister?
Son: No, the last time I saw her was when we were playing hide and seek.
Poles are as straight as adopted kids' parents.
Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because he wanted to go to high school.
I can smell your kids!
Why have kids? Just go get one now, no nine-month delay.
Kid: "THERE'S A SHOOTER IN THE BUILDING!"
Shooter: "Oops."
Why are emo kids the best jumpers?
Because they never fall down.