Kid

Kid jokes

Height

    • Store owner: You have to be 40 inches tall to go into the adult section.

    Kid: Please.

    Store owner: Oh okay, but get on your tippy toes.

    Kid: Everybody is hugging.

  • 1

    • Insult

    • Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.

    Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.

    Kid 1: Aw, thanks!

    Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10

    Dog

    • Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?

    A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.

    Kid memes

    Brain

    • Bully: Have you ever heard of a brain?

    Stupid kid: No.

    Bully: You should go get one!

    Stupid kid: Wwwwaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

  • 2

    • Hand

    • I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.

  • 1

    • Orphanage

    • I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.

    Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.

    Cookie

    • There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

  • 2

    • Mum

    • Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.

    Mum: And that is?

    *Kid walks out.*

    *Kid comes back in with milk.*

    Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!

    Zoo

    • I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

    They never got together at all.

  • 0

    • Night

    • One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

    She asked me, "What are you doing?"

    I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

    She asked, "What does that mean?"

    I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

  • 1

    • Basement

    • I had to go to my friend's house.

    I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???