Kid jokes
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
What happens to emo kids when they go up?
They never come down.
What do clothes and emo kids have in common?
They both get hung.
"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"
I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.
"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
Teacher: How many kids are in this classroom?
Kid: 73 if you count the ones you have hid in the basement.
What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?
Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.
Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.
He never sees his kids.
Kid: Aye, Mum, I'mma do something Dad could never do.
Mum: And that is?
*Kid walks out.*
*Kid comes back in with milk.*
Mum: I'mma beat ya ass!
High school students are also more interesting to see, but they are you on your way. Just kidding! 🤣
Why can't fat kids change a tire?
They would eat the donut.
What does an autistic kid and a loaf of bread have in common?
They both have special needs.
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.
Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.
Kid 1: Aw, thanks!
Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
Are you a school bus? Because I want to fill you with kids.