Kid jokes
Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
Kid 1: Words can't describe how ugly you are.
Kid 2: Words can describe how beautiful you are.
Kid 1: Aw, thanks!
Kid 2: But numbers can. 0/10
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
What do Ben 10 and a disabled kid have in common? They both slap their wrist.
Are you a school bus? Because I want to fill you with kids.
What's a similarity of an orphan and a deaf kid?
They both can't hear their parents.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.
Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
Kid says to genie,
"I want to be like Batman!"
Kid goes home, both of them are dead.
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.
Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.
Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.
What does an orphan and a lost kid have in common?
They have no way home.
What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?
When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!
What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?
Both of those are commonly found in basements.
What do clothes and emo kids have in common?
They both get hung.
That autistic kid having sex for the first time:
"U The Hips, U The Hips!"