Kid jokes

Kid says to genie,

"I want to be like Batman!"

Kid goes home, both of them are dead.

Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.

Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?

A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.

Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.

He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.

There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."

Why did the orphan not call 911 when he saw a tower catch fire?

'Cause he did not want any kids to go through the same pain.

I read to deaf kids in my spare time.

Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)

"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"

So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.

Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.

That autistic kid having sex for the first time:

"U The Hips, U The Hips!"

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

What happens to emo kids when they go up?

They never come down.

What do clothes and emo kids have in common?

They both get hung.

Why do emo kids sneak up on their Vietnamese grandfathers? Because they hope the war experience kicks in.

Why do emo kids not get phones? Because the phone dies before them.

What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?

When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!

I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.

I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!