What do clothes and emo kids have in common?
They both get hung.
Kid Jokes
That autistic kid having sex for the first time:
"U The Hips, U The Hips!"
Santa's sack is big because he only comes once a year, but his sack is SO BIG after containing the lovely eggnog he has that those weigh the sleigh.
He never had kids because he comes in the chimney.
Kid says to genie,
"I want to be like Batman!"
Kid goes home, both of them are dead.
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.
Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
Q: Why can kids relate to dogs?
A: They are noticed for 13 years, then left for no one to touch again.
Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"
So, my kid took my car. He crashed it off a bridge. I miss it, but it's going to have my car.
I beat up a blind kid, but he says he's the strongest. He never saw that one!
I read to deaf kids in my spare time.
"I'm the big man, catching the kids in my big van." - Ben 2021
Teacher: What's 55 flowers plus 67 flowers?
Kid: A garden?
Teacher: Did I tell you that you're adopted?
I walk up to a kid. I ask where his parents are, and he started crying. Then I walked out of the orphanage.
Stevie Wonder is a terrible father.
He never sees his kids.
