Kick jokes

Dream tweeted, and I quote, "Babies kick pregnant women all the time, but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested."

Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.

I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"

Why did Cinderella get kicked out of Disneyland?

Because she sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie, bastard, lie!"

When a school shooter walks to the intercom and plays Pumped Up Kicks.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.

Jack got mad and kicked Jill in the ass because she couldn't make him cum.

You're so poor, when you kicked a can, a man asked, "Are you moving?"

My mom said don't fuck whores.

So I kicked my step sis out the house.

You wanna know who didn't kick the bucket? Stephen Hawking didn't; nor did he bite the dust.

Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.

My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.

I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.

Why did the pelican get kicked out of the restaurant? Because he had a big bill.

Why did Susie get cut from the soccer team? She has no legs!

Who broke into my house by kicking down my door? Not Susie... But she still is in my basement, since she can't run!

What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?

Kick her.