Kick jokes
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.
Why can't orphans play soccer?
They can't kick.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
Yo mama is so poor, I saw her kicking a can and I asked her what she was doing and she said moving.
Why did the ball person go to the doctor?
He was kicked in the balls.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
There is this boy in my year; he is in a wheelchair, so I kicked a football at him and pushed him, and then I shouted, "Rocket League!"
If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?
Why did the cowboy die with his boots on??
He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked da bucket 😂🤣👌🏻👌🏻.. knee slapper
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.
There was an orphan once, and someone knocks on his door and said, "Hello, son, come and hug me." But the orphan says, "Excuse me, who are you?" and the guy says, "You don't remember me? I'm your dad." And then the orphan says, "Fine then, if you're really my dad, come inside and let me ask you some questions." And the man says, "OK then, but I am really your dad." Then the orphan asked some questions to the man, and the man gets some of them right, so the orphan believes that the man is his dad. And then the orphan says, "You really are my dad?" and then he shows his dad his house, and the orphan has a roommate, and the dad and the orphan finally get to the bedroom, and then the dad knocks out the orphan, and then the dad starts to have something with the orphan/son, and the roommate hears weird noises in the orphan's/son's room, and he walks in and sees them having sex, and the roommate records it but then kicks the dad out of the house, and then the roommate shares the video to the orphan's school chat, and then the next day the dad gets arrested because he was actually a gay nonce, and everybody at the orphan's school calls him gay, but he really isn't, but since he was mad and disgusted, he pulled an AK47 out of his bag and kills everybody in the school and was never seen again.
Btw this is a joke so don't take it seriously.
Why did the rapper get kicked out of the grocery store?
He kept dropping the BEETS!
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
One time, the quiet kid hacked the speakers in a school. Next thing you know, "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster The People starts playing.
I HATE URANUS! I WANNA KICK IT!
My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha
Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
I heard that my crush got kicked in the balls and when I thought of it...
An autistic kid hit me, so I kicked him back and he died.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.