Kick Jokes

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

me: *gets down on one knee*

girlfriend: omg, it's finally happening

me: *falls over*

girlfriend: the poison is kicking in

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

A blonde, burnette and a red-head are running from the police. They come across an old shack, with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the burnette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the red-head. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POtaTOES!!" And gets arrested.

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.

Why was Michael Jackson, kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!!

I was kicked out of a orphanage kitchen because I yelled hurry up some of us have homes to get back to.

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Last week I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a BALL. I wondered where it came from but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you Penaldo for almost killing me!

officer, I drop-kicked that child in SELF-DEFENSE!

You gotta believe me!

What song do you think was playing at the school pumped up kicks

why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker

cause he was a cheetah

whats the same about a newborn and a football? you can kick them both very easily.

i was trying to hang the lights when i accidentally kicked the chsur

I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.