Kick

Kick Jokes

Orphan

Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.

Poison

Me: *gets down on one knee*

Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!

Me: *falls over*

Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.

Hit

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

Blonde

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.

Plane

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

Orphanage

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

Chair

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

Newborn

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.

Bigfoot

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

Hospital

I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.