Kick jokes

I kicked a ball into someone. Now I got a red card.

Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!

Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.

Me: *gets down on one knee*

Girlfriend: OMG, it's finally happening!

Me: *falls over*

Girlfriend: The poison is kicking in.

how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?

kick his sister in the jaw

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it, would they be kicking or hitting you?

I was both shocked and amazed to hear Stephen Hawking kicked the bucket.

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.

I was kicked out of an orphanage kitchen because I yelled, "Hurry up, some of us have homes to get back to."

How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

How do you circumcise a hillbilly?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They come across an old shack with three burlap sacks. They each hop into one of them. The police come and kick the one with the brunette in it. She goes, "Mew, mew." The police say, "Oh, it's just a bag of kittens." Then they kick the one with the redhead. "Woof, woof." They think, "Oh, it's just a bag of puppies." Then they kick the one with the blonde in it. She goes, "POTATOES!!" And gets arrested.

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

What song do you think was playing at the school?

"Pumped Up Kicks"

I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.

I was trying to hang the lights when I accidentally kicked the chair.

Why did the cheetah get kicked out of poker?

'Cause he was a cheetah.

What's the same about a newborn and a football?

You can kick them both very easily.