Keep jokes

Keep the planet clean. It's not Uranus.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.

Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage?

A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.