Keep jokes
What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?
Reload and keep shooting.
POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.
So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.
I'm scared that it moves at night.
I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.
Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?
Because they keepped.
Why don't we keep the balls rolling?
An atom loses an electron... It says, "Man, I really gotta keep an ion them."
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
This song is just like how my life is and how my girlfriend left.
- Do Re Mi- By- blackbear
Do, re, mi, fa, so
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)
Do, re, mi, fa, so
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Yeah, if I could go back to the day we met
I probably would just stay in bed
You run your mouth all over town
And this one goes out to the sound
Of breakin' glass on my Range Rover
Pay me back, or bitch it's over
All the presents I would send
Fuck my friends behind my shoulder
Next time, I'ma stay asleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep, oh
And you got me thinkin' lately
Bitch, you crazy
And nothing's ever good enough
I wrote a little song for ya
It go like
Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl
So fuckin' done with all the games you play
I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe
Send the X and O's on another note
I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)
If I could go back to the day we met
I probably would've stayed in bed
You wake up everyday and make me feel like I'm incompetent
Designer shoes and Xanax tabs
Compliments your make-up bag
You never had to buy yourself a drink
'Cause everybody want to tap that ass sometime
And you got me thinkin' lately
Bitch, you crazy
And nothing's ever good enough
I wrote a little song for ya
It go like
Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl
So fuckin' done with all the games you play
I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe
Send the X and O's on another note
I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh)
I wrote a little song for you, it go like
Do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, girl
So fuckin' done with all the games you play
I ain't no Tic-Tac-Toe
Send the X and O's on another note
I'm do, re, mi, fa, so fuckin' done with you, baby
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
Do, re, mi, fa, so
(Yeah, yeah, yeah)
So send the X and O's on another note, I'm ghost
What did Amtrak say at the Olympics?
I AM keeping Trak!
Why do we name hurricanes?
To keep an eye on them.
I hear scientists have been experimenting with a new diet at Cornell University: just straight meat for 7 hours a night, all night long, with a side of alcohol to keep the shop open.
Roses are red, my pencil is blunt.
A parrot trapped on a roof keeps telling the fire crew to f*ck off!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch some chips and sweets.
No, he can't keep his heart rate down, and she's got diabetes.
Teacher: What does the pig's skin do?
Student: It keeps pig skin together! 😂
Fall coming 🍁 grab you a hoodie & sum1's thick thigh baby mama to keep you warm 😌🍂
Who thinks I should keep bothering Gwen?
Comments good or bad!
I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.
It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.
My girlfriend told me she’s sad because she’s put on a bit of weight.
I told her to keep her chins up.