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When a girl was having an aszma attack ariana said just keep breathing an breathing an breathin!!!!!

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Someone told me that you can let out all your anger by writing letters about everyone you hate and then burning them...

But I was just wondering... should I keep the letters?

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

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I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

8

Q: What's the difference between rape and marriage? A: With marriage, you get to keep the screaming woman afterwards.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

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A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.