Keep jokes
How can you tell if someone Amish is an alcoholic? They keep falling off the wagon.
What is it you can give at Christmas and still keep? Herpes.
Why do men fart louder than women?
Because women can’t keep their mouth shut to build up any pressure.
What does Michael Joseph Jackson say to adults when he sees them?
Keep away from me-hee-hee.
My mother didn't want me to love my sister. That made me angry. But then, one day I found this quote: "Keep your friends close and your enemies closer." Since that day, I fuck my sister hard and my MOM harder!
POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.
What are Michael Jackson's favorite sodas? Yoo-hoo-hoo and Mountain Dew-hoo-hoo. What cola company should people get to keep him at bay? Pep-see-hee.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.
Hello, it is the suicide line. Just keep hanging.
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally... you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
Somebody told me that black slang is just white slang in reverse. For example:
White person: Dad, you're home!
Black person: Dad?
White person: You can keep the change.
Black person: Empty the register.
Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.
(Male fantasy)
Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.
Why did Hitler keep on f***ing England?
Because it had a Great Booty!
Why do hospitals have air conditioning?
To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
How do rappers keep themselves clean?
They drop SOAP BARS.
They're making a new Alien movie.
There are so many aliens you can't keep track.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.