Jesus Jokes

Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?

Hebrews.

my gay ass: i want to find jesus religous mom: FINALLY me: grabs a noose

There never was a historical jesus christ. Hey do not even dream of crucifying me.

Jesus takes his disciples to a bar , '13 pints of water please' he says to the barman 'Oh fuck not you again' barman replies 'You boys are about to see something real special' says Jesus

God=what I hope to be Devil=what I can't accept

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

I pray to a dead human I hope to be reunited with.

Jesus, that's sick.

The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!

Jesus saved me from eternal fate. But I didn't want to get saved I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.

If I teach man he is the fish I caught, will I no longer be a fisher of men?

Why does Satan worship himself?

Jesus told him to worship God.

God's consciousness: Art God's unconsciousness: Christianity

The only difference between you and Jesus, is that jesus believed in himself.

Jesus lives on a long time line, so he may seem slow to you.

Why did Jesus create the Devil?

He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.

Why is Jesus in pieces? Because a one man band is Nine Inch Nails.

jesus and satan are just basically homer and flanders. one tries to help the other, only for satan to just say "shut up".

You know it's so hard to clean my sex toys. Thank you Jesus for creating baptism.

Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey? A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.

whats the difference between jesus and a picture frame..... it only took one nail to hang the picture frame.

What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...