Jesus Jokes

Anonymous
in Religion

How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

9
Anonymous

Why can’t Jesus eat m&ms? They keep falling through his hands.

Anonymous

you

Anonymous

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers

5
Anonymous

Why can’t jesus be born in West Virginia

Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.

Anonymous
in Difference

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.

Anonymous

What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands? FEET! FEET!

X

Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term,"red skin appreciation".

X

I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.

Anonymous
in Pickup Lines

Are you Jesus? because I want to nail you

2
Anonymous

Jesus said to his disciples "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life". Thomas came fifth however so he only got a toaster.

Te4inchpounder

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, Don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

Anonymous

Oh no I feel bad for Steven Hawkins he can’t get up the stairway to heaven

Anonymous

Q. Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture

A.one uses 1 nail to hang

Anonymous

What's the difference between Jesus and the baby i have in my basement. Jesus died a virgin

Heaven is expensive $$

Do you know why jesus is so popular with the ladies?? Haven't you ever seen pictures of the guy? He was hung like this.. 🤚--------🤪----------✋

What kind of car does Jesus drive?

A Christler.

Kevi

How does Jesus whistle? Through the hole in his hand.

1
Anonymous
in Puns

What does the dairy products praise? Cheeseus

2
Jason Rowland
in Yo mama

Yo mama is so fat and old, when Jesus said "Let there be Light!" he told your mama to move out of the way!