Jesus jokes
My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.
What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common? - Their balls are just for decoration.
Jesus walks into a motel, throws 3 nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for a night?"
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
What did Jesus say when they removed the nails from his hands?
"Feet! Feet!"
What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?
They believe their own lies.
Why did Jesus create the Devil?
He didn't recognize himself through the time portal.
The double slit experiment shows light particles are a wave that assemble in your presence. And you didn't even have to say a word!
I bought myself the life-sized Jesus painting off of Amazon, and they had 4 nails within the pack. All I needed was 1.
Jesus lives on a long timeline, so he may seem slow to you.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? -- Acne comes on your face after you turn 13.
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Jesus created the T-pose first.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."
Jesus will be history when I realize he's behind me.
How do you get a nun pregnant? -- Dress her up as an alter boy.
The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”
Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven.”
Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart.”
Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”
The teacher says, “How do you know this?”
Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?””