Jesus Jokes

Anonymous

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus’s birth date

3
Anonymous

Jesus said to his disciples “Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life”. Thomas came fifth however so he only got a toaster.

[REDACTED]

What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us…

0
Anonymous

Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

Anonymous
in Chuck Norris

Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land

1
Anonymous

Why doesn’t Jesus buy beer?

Hebrews.

0
Anonymous

What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?

“Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now.”

Anonymous
in Difference

What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.

Anonymous

Jesus took bread and said: “This is my flesh!” Then he took wine and said: “This is my blood!” Then he took mayonnaise and Peter said: “Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!”

Anonymous

How did Jesus like his chicken?

Crucifried

0
Supa Sanic

Did Jesus die a virgin?

Of course not!! He got nailed before he died.

5
Anonymous
in Depression

Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?

Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it

Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow

JB
in Religion

What’s the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

1
Anonymous
in Pickup Lines

Are you Jesus? because I want to nail you

Anonymous
in Religion

How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

8
Whocares

If were all gods children… whats so special about jesus?

1
Anonymous

you

Anonymous

Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers

5
Anonymous

What’s the difference between Jesus and the baby i have in my basement. Jesus died a virgin

Anonymous

Q. Whats the difference between Jesus and a picture

A.one uses 1 nail to hang