Jesus took bread and said: "This is my flesh!" Then he took wine and said: "This is my blood!" Then he took mayonnaise and Peter said: "Holy shit, now we gotta stop him!"
Man 1: why don’t we just put all the dept in the world on one man then kill him? Man 2: we tried that once it started a cult
If Jesus was real they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion.
They would call it crucifact.
My mom said i need Jesus in my life, So I drunk up the holy water ;}.
A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says "that is mother teresa's clock it has never moved because she has never lied". "There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice." "Where is Donald Trump's?" Ask's the man. Jesus answers "it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan."
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What was the last thought Jesus had before he died?
"Man, I could really use a crowbar right about now."
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not!! He got nailed before he died.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term,"red skin appreciation".
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
Jesus Christ said my faith can move mountains so Mohammed said my faith can move sky scrapers
Why doesn't Jesus buy beer?
Hebrews.
Jesus could walk on water and Chuck Norris can swim through land
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? We know who Jesus’s dad was.
Jesus and his friend went fishing they both cast the line out and both of them get a bite but Jesus's friend misses and says "damn I missed" jesus said "that's a bad sentence to say if you say it 3 time something bad will happen to you" they cast it out again and both get a bite and Jesus's friend misses again and says "damn I missed" jesus replied "if you say that one more time something bad will happen" they cast out again and Jesus's friends line snaps and he says "damn I missed" jesus said "that's the last time something bad will happen" the biggest thunder storm ever seen appeared and a lightning bolt struck jesus and a voice came from the clouds "damn I missed"
Oh no I feel bad for Steven Hawkins he can’t get up the stairway to heaven
What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A Christler.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when your nailing them
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
