Jesus jokes

Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.

What's the difference between Jesus and a dead, naked baby?

I don't worship Jesus.

So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"

So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead, I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.

Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.

God is fake.

Q: Why doesn't Jesus play hockey?

A: He hates getting nailed to the boards.

There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

Adam and Eve had 3 male children, the only children on Earth. How did they reproduce?

What is Jesus' favorite sport? CrossFit.

A true God would be godless himself.

God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.

In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.

So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.

You call him the holy cross. I call it the rejected Smash character.

A Christian Missionary walks up to some people and says, "Come! Meet Jesus!"

One of the guys takes out a knife and says, "You first."

Why does Jesus hate Skittles?

Because they fall through his hands.

What was Jesus's favorite sport?

Lacrosse.