Jesus jokes
What's better: nailing Jesus or getting nailed?
Depends on who's sucking.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?
How did Jesus like his chicken?
Crucifried.
Why do people think Jesus is going to come back? He wasn’t nailed to a fucking boomerang!
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
Did Jesus cut his nails?
No! His nails cut through him.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."
God's consciousness: Art.
God's unconsciousness: Christianity.
Jesus could walk on water, and Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
When did Jesus die?
On Luan Day hahahahahahahahahahahahaha LOUD HOUSE wink wink.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Jesus.
Jesus who?
Jesus Christ, open the door!
Haha
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
How did Jesus become self-sovereign?
He screws himself and becomes his own creator.
Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"