Jesus Jokes


One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, “Hey what are the clocks for?” Jesus replies, “They move every time you sin.” “This is Mother Teresa’s, It has not moved so she has not sinned.” “This one is Abraham Lincoln’s, It has moved twice so he sinned twice.” “The man asks, Where is Joe Biden’s?” Jesus replies, “It’s in my office- I’m using it as a ceiling fan.”

in Little Johnny

Ex Of Johnnys: I have a question. Johnny:What? Ex Of Johnnys: Am I pretty? Johnny: Yes ofc jesus mad everbody wonderfully! Ex: Awhh! Johnny: But who ever made you was painting tomas the train while making your face.


What does Jesus do when he gets nervous? He bites his nails


Why can’t Jesus eat M&Ms? - Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.


What’s the difference between Jesus and the toddler in my basement?

Jesus died a virgin

Pileggi Glass

What do you call someone with a rubber toe?.. Roberto

in Party

did jesus die a virgin no he got nailed before he died

My friend showed me his broken finger and i said JESUS, he said his name is Jake

Rob Jones

What’s the difference between jesus and a holy whore, Jesus got pegged against a cross


what’s the difference between jesus and maddie mccann one had the last supper

God died for your sins, so basically if you don’t sin then Jesus died for nothing


Was Jesus a virgin? of course not! he was nailed before he was killed


When someone says Jesus. I say, Bitch, where


What is Jesus’ favorite gun?

A nail gun.


whats the difference between jesus and a picture frame… it only took one nail to hang the picture frame.

What is Jesus’s Favorite Exercise?

Cross Fit


Did jesus die a virgin? ofc not you idiot he got nailed before he died!

in America

whats the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?..It only takes one nail to hang a picture frame.


Boy:Scares girl Girl:GOSH YOU SCARED ME, JESUS Jesus:Arrives out of nowhere and said wut is it hooman I got work to do Girl:What work? Jesus:Coming out of nowhere when people say “jesus”

in America

a man died and went to heaven. here he met jesus. there were two clocks, the man asked whats with the clocks?. jesus answered this is mother theresa’s clock she has not lied so the clock hasnt moved, this is abraham lincoln’s clock; he’s only lied twice so its moved twice. where’s donald trumps the man asked. jesus replied: its in my office im using it as a ceiling fan.