it's jokes

You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.

Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart. I made sure it didn't outsmart me.

What did the math acorn say when it grew up?

"Gee-I'm-a-tree."

I give bubblegum to the homeless so they can chew it and still be hungry.

I love these orphan jokes. It's not like they're gonna go tell their parents. ☠

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.

Why did Catholic women stop going to church?

Because it takes Jesus three days to rise.

A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus?

Tentacles!

Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

What letter is really hot? T

C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

My Countryhumans OC, Sahara, is the daughter of France and Soviet. When people ask why, I tell them it was the gendersnapped version of my parents making me. France (my dad) was drunk and Soviet (my mom) was being horny. Then they judge me, so I judge them with a knife to the chest 47 times.

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Roses are red, violets are blue, I took a poo, and it smelt like you.

God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.

Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

I would tell a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.

Two nuns in a bathtub.

One nun asks, "Where's the soap?"

The other nun says, "It sure does."

A man walked into a zoo and there was only one dog.

He came out and said, "It was a shitzu."

If you're bored, just punch an orphan. It's not like they can tell their parents.