it's jokes

Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.

It has been rumored that Disney is developing a movie based on suicide. The title?

Finding Emo.

Your hairline is so back it looks like Will Smith slapped it.

Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it has faster reflexes than the Twin Towers.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Me: Do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?

Bank teller: [eyes wide] Uhhhhh...

Me: *scratches head with gun* Man, I hate it when this happens.

When I self-harmed one day, my mother told me that it cut her deep. We both found that very amusing.

Life is like a penis: simple, soft, relaxed, and hanging free, until a woman comes around and makes it hard.

Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.

I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.

Turns out it was a Fanta sea.

A man gets on a bus and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.

"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."

The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.

"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.

"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"

"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

How do you stay warm in a cold room?

You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.

I know it's cheesy, but I feel grate.

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water and boil the hell out of it.

What is the tallest building?

A library 📚

It has the most stories.

Q: What does your Mama and a slinky have in common?

A: They aren't much to look at, but you can't help cracking a smile when you see it tumbling down the stairs.

What do you call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut.

I wanted to see if she was anorexic, so I threw a Funyun at her to see if she'd use it as a hula hoop or inhale it.

Dark humor is like a cancer, it's funnier when a kid gets it.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.