it's jokes

How does the cheetah do in every race?

It’s always a cheetah.

What do you call it if you find an old organ keyboard on the side of the road?

Organ harvesting.

You're like a stormy cloud, because once you go away, it's a nice day.

A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.

Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"

What day can you have sex on?

Answer: Wednesday. Why? Because it's hump day.

What do you say to someone being cremated? You urned it!

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a blow dryer.

Your hairline goes back so far, it dated Zeus.

I hate it when I go to the shop and people are like, "Oh, hey what are you doing here?"

Me: "Oh, you know, just hunting elephants."

History teacher: "They had a temporary cure for the disease, but it would be years before they found a cure for life."

Student: "I need that."

When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.

Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.

You don't usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days.

But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: "Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!"

Pass around the roses, their casket full of hoses, crash it, watch it, the water! OH SHIT IT'S GONNA BLOW!

What do you call a reverse exorcism?

It's where a demon pulls a priest out of a child.

I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.

Why did the orphan try to fly? It was trying to find its parents.

Yo mama so fat, when she farts, it's counted as a new gas element.

What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?

Dam.

Yo momma so dumb, the doctor wanted to give her a blood transfusion but she said no because she thought it would turn her trans.