it's jokes
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
An old man takes his grandson fishing in a local pond one day.
After 20 minutes of fishing, the old man fires up a cigar. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a cigar?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Then u can't have a cigar." Another 20 minutes passes, and the old man opens a beer. The young boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have a beer?" The old man asks, "Son, can your dick touch your asshole?" The young boy says no. "Well, then u can't have a beer."
Another 20 minutes passes and the young boy opens a bag of potato chips.
The old man asks, "Son, can I have some of your chips?" The boy asks, "Well, Grandpa, can your dick touch your asshole?" The old man says, "It sure can." The boy says, "Well good, then go fuck yourself, these are my chips."
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
We found out my grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than my dad.
Why is it so hard to make friends in Antarctica?
Because you cannot break the ice.
Why can Elsa hold a balloon? She will "Let It Go"!
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back until I realized it is a family business.
An officer confronts two congressmen.
He informs them, \"I’m looking for a couple of child molesters.\"
The two look at each other, turn to the officer and exclaim, \"Sure! We’ll do it!\"
It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.
And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
Why were the Twin Towers traumatized about eating?
After someone said, "HERE COMES THE AIR PLANE(s)," it just wasn't the same..........
Why is Penaldo's favorite club Real Mallorca?
Because it reminds him of Kathryn Mallorca🥵
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Why is a ghost so predictable?
Because you can see right through it.
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?
Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.
Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun. Now it’s an assault rifle.
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.