it's jokes

How do you piss off a midget?

Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

Why is a ghost so predictable?

Because you can see right through it.

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Why can Elsa hold a balloon? She will "Let It Go"!

I have a joke about paper. It's tearable.

When you have a hand clock it goes tic-tac.

When an American has it go backwards, it's tactic.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. It's not dead, just afraid to move.

You're so awesome that the word 'awesome' demanded its title back!

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

Yo mama's so stupid, she stared at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."

There's no Asian kids in my class, but it just happens to be the rice store and the pet store just ran out of stock...

Dad: Son, do you want to play Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots?

Son: Sure, let me get it from the closet.

Dad: No, bring your sisters. Just like the game, they can’t move their legs.

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

Today when I looked in the mirror, I stopped and simply said: "It's ok, what's inside matters the most, right?"

What did the tower say to its twin? "Hey, is that a plane?"

Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.

Fun Fact: Did you know JFK's brain was so big it covered a whole entire limousine?

"Honey, let's not go so deep into the woods, please. I'm starting to get scared."

"It's easy for you to talk. I can go back alone right now!"