Vacuum jokes
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?
The location of the Dirtbag.
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
What sucks but doesn't suck?
Vacuums!
Why couldn’t people use the George Floyd action figure? Because it was vacuum sealed.
Do you want to buy my Hoover?
I mean... it's just collecting dust.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
Why is there no woman on the moon?
Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.
I was going to tell a joke I made up about my vacuum cleaner, but it sucks.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.
This joke is like a vacuum cleaner... it sucks.
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
What’s a vacuum cleaner’s favorite plant?
Answer: SUCCulent
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"