Vacuum Jokes


What kind of vacuum does an abortion centre use A: Dyson

in Dirty Joke

What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?

A cock sucker


What’s a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to turn them on before they start to suck.


What sucks but doesn’t suck?


Gavino RoyHitty BOI
in Hospital

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor…

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!


Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

in Puns

What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson? The location of the Dirtbag.

in Suck

You’re like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Cause you suck.

in Puns

If your cleaning a vacuum cleaner does that make you the vacuum cleaner?

Read the next joke

This joke is like a vacuum cleaner…

in Little Johnny
  1. Full name: John
  2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
  3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
  4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.
  5. Mental health: mentally retarded.
  6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
  7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named as Redwing and the lizard named as Notail
  8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
  9. Working motivation: none.

I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John


life sucks and so does the vacuum and other things


"This vacuume sucks!" Vacuume: “yes, i do”

in Dumbness

There was a cleaning lady with a vacuum cleaner. She sucked!