Vacuum

Vacuum Jokes

Blonde

What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to turn them on before they start to suck.

Difference

What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?

The location of the Dirtbag.

Man

Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

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  • Mom

    What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

    They both suck.

    Hospital

    I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

    Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

    Sticker

    I had a broken vacuum, then I put a One Direction sticker on it and it suddenly sucked again.

    Woman

    Why is there no woman on the moon?

    Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.

    Salesman

    Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.

    "Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"