Vacuum jokes
What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?
The location of the Dirtbag.
What do you get when you cross a vacuum and a rooster?
A cock sucker.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner? You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?
You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
1. Full name: John.
2. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run.
3. Favorite meal: the sphinx with the sour cream.
4. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated.
5. Mental health: mentally retarded.
6. Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit.
7. Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named Redwing and the lizard named Notail.
8. Favorite activities: washing the dishes, cutting the woods, vacuuming and playing hard rock.
9. Working motivation: none.
I hope that you will accept my curriculum vitae and that we will see each other soon already as new colleagues, I wish more or less. Kind regards, John.
"This vacuum sucks!"
Vacuum: "Yes, I do."
How does a rapper clean his house?
With a LIL' SCRUB.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
Answering a knock at my door, I see a vacuum cleaner salesman who proceeds to tip a huge bucket of shit all over my carpet, before proclaiming any trace this hoover doesn't remove I will personally eat myself.
"Well, I hope you're hungry," I replied, "'cause they cut off my electric this morning!"
What sucks but doesn't suck? Vacuums!
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.
What kind of vacuum does an abortion center use? A: Dyson.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
Do you want to buy my Hoover?
I mean... it's just collecting dust.
You suck harder than a vacuum ever will :)
Life sucks, and so does the vacuum, and other things.