it's jokes

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.

"I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory." - Kanye West in 2009 (Forever with Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne)

People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.

Is your tap water running well?

Beta, go catch it!

What do you give a dog with a fever?

Mustard, it's the best thing for a hot dog!

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

Saying a Kobe joke after he died tends to ignite a fire in the people you say it to.

There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.

A retired George W. Bush is eating a donut at 7/11 and looks at it. "I'm so happy I did that." A guy overhears the conversation and says, "You're happy you bought that donut? Oh haha, I would be too. I love donuts!" George W. Bush then says, "Oh hahaha, you caught me," and then says, "Oh hahaha, you must have heard me wrong. I said, I'm so happy I did 9/11."

I said to Google, "How do I kill someone?" Then I got https://www.wired.com/story/dark-web-bitcoin-murder-cottage-grove in the front. Before you click it, it says, "If you want to kill someone, we are the right guys." How the f*** did this get in Google?

It's tiring being straight 24/7.

Why is it better to date an orphan?

Their parents are never home.

Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

39, 41, 43, AK, 47, AK-47. You get it? Lmao.

You will never see a redneck opposing a war.

He will instead say, "Wait, I get to kill people and it's not illegal? And they're foreigners?"

What’s up with the foot feet?

What is the plural of "goose"? "Geese."

What is the plural of moose? Well, it ant meese.

Well, it’s my first joke. Please forgive me if it’s bad.

3 people having sex is a threesome, 2 is a twosome. So next time someone calls you 'HANDSOME', don't take it as a compliment!

How many gays does it take to put in a light bulb?

Only one... but it takes the entire Emergency Room to get it out.

Why can’t orphans have phones?

Because it has a home button.

Why don’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t get a home run.