it's jokes

Income

20 views ·

According to unofficial sources, a new simplified income-tax form consists of only four lines:

1. What was your income for the year?

2. What were your expenses?

3. How much have you left?

4. Send it in.

Hobo

29 views ·

Zozo the hobo is single like a Pringle.

Single like a Pringle, and he loves Pringle's, get it?

Sandwich

16 views ·

What’s the difference between a baby and a sandwich?

You don’t have sex with a sandwich before you eat it.

Dream

361 views ·

In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."

Husband

10 views ·

A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"

Dad

7 views ·

This dad went out hunting, he killed a deer. He came home and he and his wife decided to have it for dinner but not tell their kids. Instead, they made them guess. The dad said, "It's something that daddy calls mommy." The little girl yells to her brother, "Don't eat it! It's an ass!"

Democrat

95 views ·

What is the difference between a male prostitute who is a Democrat and a male prostitute who is a Republican?

When Republicans perform fellatio for money, it is called prostitution, but when Democrats perform fellatio for money, it is called a donation to their political campaign.

Eskimo

10 views ·

An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."

The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"

Baby

31 views ·

What do you get when you put a baby in a box of razor blades and throw it down the stairs?

An erection!

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  • Canadian

    30 views ·

    Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

    They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

    Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

    He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.

    "Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"

    Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.

    He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.

    He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"

    They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"

    Adoption

    72 views ·

    Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

    Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

    Son: Am I kidnapped?

    Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

    Quote

    17 views ·

    Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.

    Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!

    School

    3 views ·

    Hello, I am School Shooter Memes. For the last month I made School Shooter Jokes on the site, so now I want you guys to vote for the best one. It will be in a quarterfinal format with the 8 of them being the most liked. I will link all of the polls in the comments so make sure to vote for your favourite joke.