IT jokes
How to make holy water:
1. Grab a pot.
2. Put water in it.
3. Set the stove to 420 degrees.
4. Boil the hell out of it.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
If Canada had to apologise for Bryan Adams on several occasions, it's only fair that Americans are tortured and waterboarded for bringing Katy Perry and Carrie Underwood to the world!
I can now cross it off my bucket list
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless!
Women used to fear their nudes getting leaked.
Now it’s $3.99.
I don't get why it is called abortion instead of murder.
Consent before sex is a joke. It's just politically correct feminazi propaganda.
Why was the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it wanted to look up a 10 year old girl’s skirt.
My name says it all.
Has anybody else noticed that out of nowhere there are always tons of people online? It's kinda trippy if I'm being honest.
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
"Dad, what is 69?" asks son.
Dad: "Well son, it is a position where a man and women pleasure each other orally."
Son: "So what shall I write? Odd or even?"
Your hairline goes sooooo far back that dinosaurs exist on it.
If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?
In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣
Life is a lot like a penis. It's relaxed, and just hanging there.
It's women that make it hard.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."