Newest Invention Jokes - Page 2

Johnny: Why do cuss words exist? Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older. || 20 YEARS LATER || Johnny: Mom now can you tell me why cuss words exist? Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them. Johnny: Damn Mom you shoulda told me that when I was still seven cuz now I really feel like that person.

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

whoever invented religions. they fucked up. We got all kinds of retarded adults believing in mythologies.

Men built civilisations Men went to the moon Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society

Women did none of those They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines

The inventor of the umbrella was just going to call it "brella", but he hesitated

When Bob got on that sled, I don't know how he went so smoothly but that is the invention of Bobsled peoples. And then Mark came in.

You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.

If Thomas Running invented running, what did Paul Walker invent?

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails Oh wait I wasn’t even Jesus he’s not doing the T post that he invented

aw hell naw

dey turned spongilebile in2 a frigin generator.

Did you know the Bible has a passage about killing babies by smashing them against rocks? That's probably because microwaves hadn't been invented yet.

1. If being ugly was a crime you would have a life sentence

2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships

3. There is a tree out there giving you oxegyn, and you owe that tree an apology.

4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.

5. When I saw your dad on the side walk I didn’t laugh but the sidewalk cracked up.

6. If I had powers I would make you the dumbest person alive but it seems life already beat me to the punch.

7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it

8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart I’d be broke.

9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting

10. Were you born on a highway cuz that’s where most accidents happen

11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya

12. Your the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented

Who discovered shrimp were edible? Proble the same one who invented the blowjob. *-*

I invented a time traveling machine and travelled back to Pangea. I warned the dinosaurs about the deadly asteroid, they told me, "it wasn't an asteroid...it was Pionel Pessi's penalty ball ricocheted from Mars that made them extinct". Tears ran down my face. Shame on you Pessi!