Engineering jokes

A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.

The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."

The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."

The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

Head, shoulders, screws, and bolts.

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?

Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.

Q: What makes depressed kids jump?

A: Bridges.

What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?

Ask Boeing.

How do you sink an American battleship?

Have the French build it.

What do you call people who jump into the Hoover Dam?

Dam fools.

A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.

The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.

Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"

The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."

A project manager, a mechanical engineer, and a computer scientist are on a road trip through the mountains. As they're going down a pass, the brakes suddenly fail. The car goes off the road and crashes down into the valley. A bit dazed, the three of them get out.

The project manager says, "Well, the best thing to do is to have a meeting and assess the situation."

The mechanical engineer replies, "Nonsense, I have my pocketknife, I'll fix the brakes with that."

Then the computer scientist comes along and says, "Why make it so complicated? Let's push the car back up the road, get in, and see if it happens again."

"Luck of the Irish my ass, I just blew a tranny and an engine in my truck both in the same week... Boy it really ruined my day when they found out about each other."

What did I say to the bridge?

Bye, bridge.

Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning? Because it had better reflexes than the Twin Towers.

What would happen if a dam broke when you are on it?

You would be dam unlucky.

A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

What did the Arch bridge say to the Truss bridge?

"I Truss-ted you!"

What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common?

They’ll eventually get laid by a Mexican.

I have a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

It's a complex complex complex.

The real reason Stephen Hawking died is because he tried to overclock his wheelchair.

What do you call people who jumped in the dam?

A dam fool.

What do you call an engineer that bakes? A BAKENEER!