Do you know you’re supposed to wash your sex toys after you use them?
I guess that’s why Catholics invented baptism.
When Pope Pius IX died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, and St. Peter opened it: "Who are you? What do you want?”
"I am Pope Pius. I want to come to Heaven.”
“Where do you come from?"
"Rome."
“What do you mean? Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
“I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!”
To make sure not to erroneously deny access to an authorized person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God, and asks: "Hello, Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"What do you mean: Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"No, Rome, Italy, of course."
"No, sorry, I don’t know him.”
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello, Junior, here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?"
"Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, never heard of him.”
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello, Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"
"What does he mean, Rome, Massachusetts, or Rome, New York?"
"He says Rome, Italy."
"No, sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while, he continues: "Wait, wait, tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
How was copper wire invented?
Two Jewish people fighting over a penny.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable
Hey, pass me that crow bar please.
Sure... y’know, before the crowbar was invented, crows had to drink at home
(credit to Ryan Lombard (I think that’s his name) from YouTube shorts, I loved this dad joke/pun)
Sparkling water was invented by Germans. Who else would add gas?
The man who invented Velcro died Rip
SLADE is the reason they invented the PAUSE BUTTON
BLESSEDBRIAN is the reason they invented the mute button
COVID-19 is like pasta.
Asians invented it, Italians spread it.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Did u know about the guy who invented knock knock jokes
He won the no Bell prize
Flex tape can fix a sawed in half boat. Then how the fuck can it not fix the Titanic when it broke in half? tell me.
Why do animators like Christianity?
Because Jesus was the one who invented T-Pose.
You should always wash your sex toys, that’s why priest invented baptism.
It's important to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Say "invented" without the first "n".
You should know it's important to wash your sex toys. That's why priests invented baptism.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
