INS jokes

What do sex and food have in common?

My sister makes it better than my cousin.

I watched a documentary about a man who grew up in the Catholic church.

It was a touching story.

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

I'm shocked that Kanye West never tried to get Carrie Underwood's number after Carrie starred in a pro-Aryan ad for Almay.

I was in a library and a black guy came up to me.

"Where's the coloured printer?" he said.

"Mate, it's 2025, you can use any printer you want," I replied.

I can see my future in your forehead.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.

Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.

1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.

What do you find in Jeffrey Dahmer's shower?

Heads and shoulders.

I had a very long dream that I was eating the most juiciest, tastiest meal I'd ever eaten in my life. Then when I woke up, my wife was gone.

You know how in Pinocchio the French puppets have the thigh rings?

Well, I got them too! Only red and thinner.

"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."

- Charlie Chaplin

Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?

Because he lost May!

Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?

Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.

A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry.

Until I threw a watermelon in her face.

What do you call a suicide bomber in a wheelchair?

An RCXD (remote control explosive).