INS jokes
There's a man in Florida with no arms or legs who is armed and on the run.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
How do you know when a football player has been to jail?
When he goes in a tight end and comes out a wide receiver.
fr;]
What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?
Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.
Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.
Knock knock?
Who's there?
Willis.
Willis who?
Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
What did the soldier say when he sees a terrorist in a wheelchair?
RC-XD incoming.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
What does a kid and wine have in common?
Shit, I forgot, but they're both locked in my cellar right now.
What's a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?
They are all locked in the Priest's basement.
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
Three people died and went to Hell. One of them is from America, the second guy is from Germany, and the third guy is from Afghanistan. The devil lets each person make a phone call to their loved ones in the country they came from, but they will be charged. The American spends 10 minutes on the phone and is charged $20. The German spends 12 minutes on the phone and is charged $24. The man from Afghanistan spends half an hour on the phone and is charged nothing. The other two guys asked the devil why. The devil responded: "Local calls are free."
I'm pretty sure that 9/11 was the biggest game of Jenga ever recorded in history.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.
I keep it in a jar on my desk.
What do you call a cow 🐮 in an earthquake?
A milkshake.