INS jokes
Why can't an orphan go to McDonald's? There's no point in the words "happy meal."
Patient to doctor: "Will I be ok, Doc?"
Doctor: "I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now."
Patient: "I don't do that astrology stuff."
Doctor: "Nor me. My thermometer just broke."
Pickup line; Hey mama, you school? Cuz I'd like to shoot some kids up in you.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
I like my wine how I like my women: 7 years old, and locked up in my basement.
The difference between dark jokes and morbid is,
dark jokes are 10 babies in 1 trash can, and
morbid jokes are 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!
Not funny, here’s another.
Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.
Location is in London by the way.
One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money.
His friend: "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
A priest and a nun are traveling across the desert on a camel, and when all of a sudden the camel dies. They’re in the middle of the desert with no hope of rescue when that night the priest thinks to himself that he can’t die a virgin. He looks over at the nun and pulls out his penis. The nun says, "Father, what is that?" He says, "This, sister, is the wand of life." The nun says, "Good, now go stick it in that camel's ass and let’s get the hell out of here!"
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
What do McDonald's and a priest have in common? They both stick their meat in 10-year-old buns.
Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?
They both come on little white crackers.
What does a blondie and a shotgun have in common?
Give them a cock and they're ready to blow.
Did you know that statistically, 1 in 10 people live next to a pedophile? Not me though, I live next to a 10 year old boy with a fat ass.
Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.
"Moo!" says the second.