INS jokes
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.
What do you call nuts on a chin?
My penis in your mouth.
So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.
Why is the queen the most powerful piece in chess?
Because the board looks like a kitchen floor.
Who are the fastest readers? The people who were in 9/11. They went through 91 stories in 1.2 seconds.
Yo momma is like a penny...
Two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants!
What can't play home in baseball? They don't have one.
My dog went through my bathroom garbage, and for some reason, my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there...
What do you call nitrogen in the day? You call it day-trogen!
This guy went to the gas station to get some gas, and as he asked the cashier for gas he noticed a terrible smell. He asked what the smell was and the cashier replied, "That's your gas, cuz I farted. Now hand me the 20 bucks!"
The guy said, "No, not the kind that comes from your ass, but the kind you put in a car!" The cashier says, "That fart was worth 20 bucks, so beat it!"
Guy says, "I need real gas, nothing about your ass impresses me!" Then another guy gets in line and says, "I know the guy personally, we grew up together. Always trying to be the cool kid in school, bragging about his big horse's ass...no wonder he was always the *butt* of all jokes!"
What’s the most emo country in the world?
Qatar.
Why do you never see gay people in wheelchairs?
You can’t be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
What do a male pornstar and an emo have in common?
They are both hung.
My friend said, "Where is the trash?" I said, "Look in the mirror, there is the trash."
What do Batman and orphans have in common?
Their parents died.
Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣
"Eeee, is a time for a tree night out to a tree. 🌲 I can fly to the earth day to day day one night type and a walk in and a tree."
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!