INS jokes
Why did Joe Biden visit Hiroshima? Because the city has the hottest prepubescent girls in the world.
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
I called a suicidal hotline in Iraq and they asked me if I could drive a truck.
I remember when I was a kid, I thought the world used to be colorless.
I was kinda right. They used to not let colors in a lot of areas.
Are you an orphanage?
Why?
Because I wanna put my kids in you.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
So there was this kid being bullied by four other kids. I decided to step in.
He didn’t stand a chance against the five of us.
Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature, which would he be?
A: Adlof-in.
A man is with his friend in a bar.
The friend, out of the blue, asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"
Nervous, the man looks away.
The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."
The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh... I thought you saw inside the basement..."
"Wait, wha..."
"What?"
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got excited and asked if I could drive a plane.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
One day in class, little Johnny was mucking around, not listening to the teacher. After 5 minutes, the teacher caught him, finished what she was saying, and said, "Little Johnny, if you weren’t listening, what was the last thing I said?" And little Johnny replied back, "You said, 'What was the last thing I said?'"
The "f" in orphan is for family.
What is the fastest thing in the world?
James Charles when he sees little boys.
My school is on fire today, and I pushed a kid in a wheelchair down the stairs and shouted, "Hot Wheels!"