INS jokes

My girlfriend called me a "bot" in Fortnite, so I called her "sandwich maker 3000."

Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.

A kid had school today.

He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)

What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.

Bf: Hey, what ya doing?

Gf: Just lying in bed.

Bf: Just lying in bed?

Gf: And eating cereal.

Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?

Gf: Eat my cereal.

Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.

Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.

Why are there 25 letters in the alphabet? Because the D is in U.

Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."

What do a school shooter and a person with gum have in common?

One's the pull it out everyone wants to be their friend.

You would think catholic churches would be in favor of condoms: less DNA evidence.

Never hide something behind a bookshelf. It's the oldest trick in the book!

There was an oil spill in the ocean. Now the ocean can't see!

I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

Get in the van, or I'll kill you.

How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?

Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!

Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.

What is the definition of confusion?

Three blind lesbians in a fish market.