INS jokes
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
MVP means: “Most Valuable Player.”
In Chuck Norris' case: “Most Vaginas Penetrated”.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?
A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.
Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!
So I was in the lunch room and was sitting by the peanut allergic kids' table. I stood up and I threw an opened bag of peanuts at them and yelled, "25 kill streak!" 🤣😂
Why do orphans go to church?
Not because they are religious, because they want someone to call father.
Where did Noah keep his bees? -- In the ark hives.
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
Nazis have marched in Melbourne. Are you sure Eric Clapton and Carrie Underwood are not touring in Australia?
What’s the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Tortilla Chips.
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
How do Chinese people play in Spy?
They can't.
What do autistic kids and birds have in common?
They both flap their arms.
In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"
His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."
Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."
I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.
Dawn rises on the Serengeti, and she has no idea as to how she got there.