INS jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Get in the van, or I'll kill you.
How did they know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment!
When you say to your friend, "I've got your back," then at his funeral you see in his coffin he's missing his middle piece.
What time is it when you get a chance to take a car and drive all over?
Time to get in trouble!
Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?
Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.
#1 BEST ALPHA MALE PICKUP LINE
What do you say to a 1 legged hitch hiker?
Hop in!
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Why was the leper hockey game canceled?
It was because of a face-off in the corner.
What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?
One is used.
Why You should never poop on the floor in an Apple Store?
Because they don't have Windows. 🤢 🤣
What did one orphan say to another?
"Get in the Batmobile, Robin."
The "f" in orphan stands for family.
Except there is no "f."
Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning,
It's great being a sniper.
If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?
None of them. Immigration service is.
So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"
So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!