INS jokes
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
Say this to someone who is fat that you don't like (make sure he's a virgin):
"You're so fat you can sell shaaade!! That's why you're a virgin and you masturbaaate!!! Yeah, I've see you, touching your 1 centimetre and if you have a gf she's is a cheater!!"
Make sure to say "shaaade" not "shade". And say "maturbaaate" (also try to say a D not a T in maturbaaate) not "masturbate".
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
Why can’t Michael Jackson win a race?
Because he’s always coming in a lil’ behind.
Did you know the "w" in Africa stands for water?
A pedophile pulls up to little Jonny, lowers his window and asks, "hey little boy, if I give you a lolly, will you come in my car?" Little Jonny replies, "Give me the whole packet and I’ll come in your mouth."
If you want to SH but not in the sell farm way, come ooon.. do you even know what does that means?..
How do you get 50 hungry kids into a box? You put a can of beans in there.
How do you get 50 hungry kids out of a box? You run past with a can opener.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
Why does a cheetah always lose on a test? Because he is a cheater!
Why do orphans live in an orphanage?
Answer: Because they are wanted there.
One would think Dracula would have a lot of friends. Unfortunately, no one likes him. He is a pain in the neck.
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
One day I threw a boomerang...
Now I live in constant fear.
My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.
Your mom is so small that she can fit in the luggage.
Yo mama is so fat, she can’t even fit in the suitcase.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.
A friend asked what an acorn is.
I said, “In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.”
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.