INS jokes

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.

What do Marshall Tucker Band and Kobe Bryant have in common?

Their last big hit was "Fire on the Mountain."

Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

Teacher: What is the moral even?

Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?

Anything you want—he can’t hear you.

If a priest listens to sad music in his church, he really enjoys being deep in minor.

How do I make my dick disappear?

I put it in your dad.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

Kid: I got homework.

Mom: Ok, so?

Kid: I got a F in my balls.

What do you call an Asian chick with dick in her ass, pushy and mouth?

Filipino.

How do you f**k a sheep?

Put your d**k in it and face it off the cliff edge. It'll keep going backwards as you push forwards.

What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?

My ex-wife.

What do you call a Taliban in a bath bomb?

What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?

Hot Wheels.

What happens when Stephen Hawking wakes up from his sleep?

"Log in."

I was in Russia at a stand-up comedy performance about someone making fun of Putin, but the jokes were awful. The execution was nice, though.

What do Rubik's cubes and melons have in common?

They have a history of separating colors.

Twinkle, twinkle, there’s a car Coming like a shooting star.

I will stand in the way. I will not be seen again. Are you happy I am dead? Now you made it to the end.