INS jokes
I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."
My bestie: Are you dirty-minded?
Me: Do I have dirt in my mind? No.
Why did the old man win in a fight? Because he was stressed.
What goes in small and soft?
And comes out big and hard?
A tea bag.
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
Why do orphans have water in cereal?
Because mom was never around to produce milk.
One thing about disabled people is they never set foot in prison.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
How do you say "Brazier" in German?
Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
If there was a girl and a boy and the boy fell, what did the boy do to the girl?
He fell for her.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
Yo mama, why do you have to jump in the pool as soon as I can find the water on Mario? I mean, Mario jump to Mars!
Lucas is bronze 1 in RL.
Roses are red, pussies are wet, when it goes in he gets upset. She said it's too small, so that's all. But later that day, he wanted to say, "Every time I play, no one complains, so she was just lying." She started flying, went out of her seat, the skirt went up, the greatest of them all. Everyone said, "Fly away big chunky balls."
Yo mama's such a milf, she deserves a tongue punch in the fart box.
"So I asked a genie if he could grant me this wish. I wished to be like Michael Jackson. The next day, I was in a playground full of little kids."
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.
Your forehead's so big that you dream in 4k.