INS jokes
When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup are consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not!"
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that walks into a fire?
Hot Wheels.
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!
My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot for Pakistan.
What does an orphan not have in common with criminals?
Criminals are wanted.
What do tomatoes 🍅 learn to do in a race?
Ketchup!
I saw a kid on the curb while I was on a walk, and he was in baggy clothes, and I said, "Are you an orphan?" He said, "Yeah." And the orphan said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Ur parents."
You know you're high when you hold all your pineapples hostage and yell, "SpongeBob, I know you're in there!"
I got breast implants for my wife to squeeze on as she thrusts on my meat while straddled in between my legs.
God made Adam and Eve have sex right out the gate.
Then he made teenagers horny... yet here we are with a so-called "rise in teen pregnancy."
Her husband prepares them a romantic dinner. The wife tells her husband about her desire for it. The husband was clueless about such acts. So, the wife tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay underneath her naked in the reverse missionary position.
She starts thrusting with his meat inside of her and starts waiting for him to thrust along with her thrusts. However, the husband didn’t know what to do, so he just laid there. Suddenly the wife had an urge to pee, but held it in because her husband’s joystick was right inside her. She loses control after a while and lets one drip out. The wife apologizes profusely and continues thrusting her husband. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another drip of urine run down the husband’s schlong to his pelvis.
The husband throws the wife from the couch, gets up, and says,
"Honey, if you think I’ll be screwed by you for more of that, you’re out of your mind."
What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
They both come in small can.
My dad said not to touch this thingy called a gun, but I looked down that pole and pressed that thing, and now I'm in heaven.
Two friends were walking in a forest. They started to fight.
A cannibal came and shouted, "Food fight!"
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
Why did 10 have trauma?
Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.
What do the Mafia and pussies have in common?
One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
What does a cloud wear in a storm?
Thunderwear.