INS jokes
My grandpa was the best soldier ever. He gunned down over 100 soldiers in his bunker during D-Day.
"My name must taste good; it's always in your mouth."
What do an Olympic silver medalist and a Catholic priest have in common?
A: They both come in a little behind.
What do a Catholic priest and an Olympic silver medalist have in common? A: They both come in a little behind.
Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.
The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.
Your forehead is so big it can't even fit in the garage!
Student: A plane is carrying 204 bricks, one falls out, how many are left?
Teacher: 203
Student: How do you put an elephant in the fridge?
Teacher: You can't.
Student: Yes, you can. Open the fridge door, put the elephant in.
How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?
Teacher: Open the door, put in the giraffe?
Student: No, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe.
The Lion King is having a party, who isn't there?
Teacher: Let me guess, the lion.
Student: No, the giraffe, he's stuck in a fridge.
Sally has to cross a river full of vicious alligators to get to safety, she gets across safely how?
Teacher: She stepped on the alligators?
Student: No, the alligators are at the party.
Sally dies anyway, how?
Teacher: She frowned?
Student: No, she was hit in the head by a falling brick.
Teacher said, "You never do your homework," so I shot her 7 times with a M1 BushDid911 and replied, "It's all in my backpack, can you grade it please?"
My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.
A teacher in Scunthorpe asks a class what their favorite football team is, saying, "Raise your hand if it is Scunthorpe." Every student but one raised their hand. The teacher asks, "Why don't you support Scunthorpe?" The child answers, "My parents support Grimsby, and so do I." The teacher comes back with, "Why are you copying your parents? What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad a druggie?" The child answers, "Then I'd support Scunthorpe like you dirty bastards!"
Dad: No, Timmy, you don't have to worry, there is no monster sleeping under your bed, it sleeps every night in the bed next to me.
Why does Spiderman only have 11 months in his calendar?
Because he lost May!
I got kicked out of a library for putting a book about women's rights in the fantasy section.
What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?
What in the Robot!?
What is war used for? (put in comments below)
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Why did the cats go in the litterbox?? To take a poop!
People should stop making jokes about major tragedies. My dad died on 9/11...
He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia.
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.