INS jokes

Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?

All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.

Why do orphans dip their Oreos in milk?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.

Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?

Dogs get loved.

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? They used to be two, but now they're a sensitive subject.

I was at a farm in France called ‘Uber eats Farmer league’, then I saw a strange creature called ‘Pessi’. He only appears against farmers.

He ran towards to me, I didn’t know what I should do so I decided to shout “Big games! Big games!“ Pessi scurried away.

I was in the Sahara Desert, dying of thirst. Thankfully, Pionel Pessi, the debut man, came to my rescue👨‍🚒. He brought in 100's of helicopters filled with bottles to quench my thirst. I asked him how he had so many bottles; "big games," he replied. Thanks for saving my life, my idol.

MISSING!! MISSING!! 🚨

Name-pionel PESSI Missing: 09/03/2021 vs Madrid Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty"

Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, St etienne

Last seen- Alaba’s Pocket

⚠️ ⚠️: don’t walk around with pens

I asked my mom what her biggest regret was for a project at school, and she said, "Oh, go look in the bathroom above the sink..." There was a mirror.

So, a husband and a wife have three kids. The husband is on his death bed, and he looks up at his wife and says, "Honey, is our youngest son truly and honestly mine?" She says in response, "I swear on everything that is good and holy, our youngest son is yours." He dies peacefully.

Then she says under her breath, "I'm glad he didn't ask about the first two."

How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They stuck her in a round room and told her to find the penny in the corner.

How many emissions does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they just sit in the dark and cry.

What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

If you were a fruit, you would be a fineapple.

If you were a vegetable, I would visit you in the hospital.

What do a brand new house, me, and new jewelry box have in common?

We're all empty on the inside.

I was having issues in my personal and professional life. I hated everyone. I was on the brink of a mental breakdown and depression. I decided to see a therapist about it. The therapist suggested that I should write letters to the people I hate and then burn them. I must admit I feel much better...

But now I don't know what to do with the letters.

My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.

What does an orphan not have in common with a criminal?

Criminals are wanted.

So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.

The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.