INS jokes
I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.
The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.
He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.
Why is there no phone in China?
Too many wings, too many wongs; might wing wrong number.
Post your jokes in the comments below!
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.
Probably top.
Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
I just reached 10 million pounds in Euro Truck Simulator, but it's not even close to what Rakhmat Akilov achieved.
I was absolutely fuming when I found out my mate was rifling through my mum's knicker drawer.
No one goes in there without my permission!
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!
I thought I had the best K/D ratio in my fighter jet on Battlefield, then I heard about Mohammed Atta.
What is saw and bleeding and covered in bruises?
Your mum.
I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣
What does a priest and a male homosexual have in common?
They both like to suck a big cock inside the men's locker room at the gym.
Your mom is so ugly her face would split in half when she sees you.
Q: Why don’t orphans have a personality?
A: They don’t have a person in reality!