Incident jokes
Why did two red heads fall off the plane? Because they were so damn blind.
Where did Tanner go during the 9/11 terrorist attack?
Everywhere.
I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.
Q: What did Chris Brown say when he first saw Rhianna?
A: I'd hit that.
Why did Mary fall off the swings?
She got hit by a refrigerator.
Why did Michael Jackson go to jail? He was feeling a little Randy.
How did people know the 9/11 victims had a lot of dandruff?
Their head and shoulders were all over New York City!
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.
What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.
Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.
A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...
One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."
I went to the shooting range the other day. After a while, I realized I was the only one there. So, I decided to go home and saw on the news that there was a mass school shooting and there were reporters on the scene. Man, I knew I should have stayed around a little longer.
RIP Harambe.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.
Two nuns were sitting on a bench. A flasher flashed them, and one of the nuns had a stroke... but the other one was too far away :)
I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"