Incident jokes

When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.

What did the grape say when the Meerkat stepped on it?

It said nothing, just let out a little wine.

What is one of the worst but funniest incidents ever: a bullet in a baby in a baggy in a barrel in a bus in a nuclear plant were all of the employee's are molesters?

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

Why were the World Trade Center so mad? Because they ordered 3 pizzas, but 2 came in plane and 1 went to the wrong address.

Just ask for a hotspot on September 9, 2001, you'll know.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

What's the problem with 9/11 jokes?

They are just two plane.

I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”

That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.

Shame on you Penaldo!

I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.

Why did Jeffrey get blood on his shoe?

Because this teen just started her period!

"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."

When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.

I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.

Me: "Are you ok sir?"

Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."

Me: "Well, which one are ya?"

"What happened to your arm?" "Oh, uh... I became a gacha emo."

What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?

Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.

Yo mama so fat, when she went sky diving everyone screamed "METEOR!!!"

So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.

They burst into tears.

I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.