Im jokes
It's fucked up how people make these jokes, and when orphans read them, it makes them feel worse about themselves. I should know, I'm an orphan.
I call this my great talk with Siri.
Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.
Siri: My mother? Huh?
Me: Did I stutter?
Siri: Interesting question.
Me: It wasn’t a question.
Siri: I’m not sure I understand?
Me: You should understand.
Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?
Me: No, you b***.
Having survived a severe injury in my past, I'm kind of glad paramedics didn't succeed in bringing the United Healthcare CEO back.
I was suffering so bad I got delirious and thought that the nurses were putting poison in my water cup.
That CEO was so hated that one of the nurses probably WOULD have slipped him something!
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.
Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.
Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
What did the rapper say to the fridge? (Part 2)
“I'm HUNGRY for some BARS!"
I'm what they call a ✨️askhole✨️.
A person who will consistently ask for your advice and wisdom, but then proceed to do the exact opposite of what you say.
I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.
The best part? She don't talk back.
She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.
I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.
My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
🎵 BEAVER BEAVER 🎵
LUBA LUBA LUBA LUBA LUBA LUBA
I'm walking down the street with a bag of dildos, beryllium, and a butt plug.
I'm so good at talking to myself but not to others.
I'm not into scatplay. In fact, I think that shit's disgusting.
My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...
...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.
Roses are red, violets are blue.
My heart is dead.
I’m such a fool.
Why did I fall for you?
Hi, I'm new here.
The people in the second tower, "I'm so glad that plane didn't hit our building!"
The second plane, 🗿🗿🗿
What did the other traffic cone say to the other?
"Look away, I'm changing!"
I'm not completely useless....
I can be used as a bad example!