Im jokes

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.

I tried my best to think of some puns, but I'm gonna have tibia honest: I don't have any puns left, but I'm pretty sternum, so I'll think of a few puns here and there. It took a lot of spine to do this.

I'm life.

Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."

Boy: I'm dead.

Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?

Boy: No, I was just born this way.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

My sister said to kill myself, so now I’m in the hospital hoping to die.

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

Hi, I'm the wicked wiener!!!

What did a skeleton say when he's alone?

"I'm so bonely..."

I'm dead inside.

I'm like a teddy bear. I don't like to be fucked.

I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.

Is skin picking self-harm?

Cause I'm red all over without a razor.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")

It's fucked up how people make these jokes, and when orphans read them, it makes them feel worse about themselves. I should know, I'm an orphan.

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

CEO Intrepid entrepreneur born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.

Repeat, come on Jeffrey, you can do it, pave the way, put your back into it, tell us why, show us how, look at where you came from, look at you now.

Zuckerberg and Gates and Musk, they're the anchors, can make and sick it up there with drink their blood, come on Jeff get it! Dododoododododod