Im jokes

Asdf movie: meow meow I’m a cow.

Me to my villagers in Minecraft: chick chick my guns cocked so frick.

I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)

Uranus be like, "Oh look, I'm Uranus. Imagine how disgusted I feel."

Me, (AHAHAHA IM A JOKE AHAH Criii) Anyone wanna date? Lol.

My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Why you gay, bruh? I know why I'm gay. I got the wolf pack protectors spirit in me, YA BOIIIII!

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Like, if you hate wearing a mask.

Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!

True story by the way.

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

Hey, I'm Gwen. I just want to say I am speechless.

What song does an orphan hate?...

"I'm so lonely."

Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.

Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.

There's like a weird after taste though.

Kinda like a sparkling water one.

I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.

Hey y'all, you want to read something funny? Then look up "Greater Tuna" OID and read the script. It's the best. I'm performing it for an OID (Oral Interpretation of Drama) and it kicks ass. Check it out. Also, the name I'm using is my Roblox Username. Friend me.

What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?

"I'm totally dogging it today..."

What did the window say to the door?

"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"

Get it?

Is your body from McDonald's, because I'm loving it?

Is your refrigerator running? "Yeah, I guess." Well, you better go catch it! Haha, I'm a girl, it's funny!

"Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I'm not going to spread it!"

I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.

Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.

Man: Why can't an orphan use Verizon?

Kid: Why?

Man: 'Cause they have a family plan.

Kid: Oh, then I need to switch phone services then.

Man: Why?

Kid: I'm an orphan.

Man: *laughs out loud* That's tough!

(You can tell the joke shortened by saying, "Why can't an orphan use Verizon? 'Cause they have a family plan.")