Im jokes

I'm not completely useless....

I can be used as a bad example!

Stacy: Honey, I'm kinda new to texting, what does lol mean?

Justin: I'm not sure, "lots of love," I guess.

Margaret: Stacy, are you there? I don't know if you heard, but Amber and her three kids were killed in a car crash this morning. I'm in total shock!

Stacy: lol

I’m a paki nonse.

I'm dyslexic. My sister was reading, "What's the book?" I asked. She showed me the cover. "You reading 'The Scared Bull'?" I asked. She started laughing. "No, 'The Sacred Bull'!"

I'm about to cum!

Ferb is older than Phineas because his last line.

Ferb: "I’m boutta blow this sh*t!"

I’m gonna put my AR 15 up your fucking ass and pull the trigger!

I'm Pastor Moe Mister, Moe Lester.

What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.

Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.

I’m so straight, you could call me a supplementary angle.

I'm not counting, but I have some fingers for you.

Gas, gas, gas, I'm gonna step on your ass!

TONIGHT

FOR FUN

YEAH YEAH YEAH

I don’t know why I’m in jail. So, basically, I was at a gun range, and we were supposed to hit the targets, even though I hit it.

My birthday's on September 11th, I'm gonna turn the fuck up and throw a banger! Then rub my tits in birthday cake frosting!!! WOOOOOOOOO!

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

These two guys were texting each other.

Guy 1: How are you?

Guy 2: I’m great. The weather is lovely here. Guy 2: *sends picture of a flying spring*

Guy 1: ???

Guy 2: Springs in the air. :)

What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?

I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.