Im jokes

If a person with Down syndrome robs you, what do you say? “I’m up your Down.”

Please don't make a joke about me; I'm just a human.

The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.

I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.

I'm dyslexic. My sister was reading, "What's the book?" I asked. She showed me the cover. "You reading 'The Scared Bull'?" I asked. She started laughing. "No, 'The Sacred Bull'!"

What’s a necrophiliac’s safe word? I’m alive.

So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.

I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)

I'm the type to blow up half of my house to kill a spider... and still miss.

Two needles go to the river. One of them says, "I'm sorry!"

Girl: "Daddy!"

Father: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I'm a... a girl!"

Father: "Mhm!"

Woman: "Daddy?"

Father: "Of course?"

Woman: "I'm a girl too!"

Father: "Does God love children?"

Boy: "Yessss..."

I'm not sure if you have any feelings because everything about you seems very dull.

I'm sure you could be the smartest person in your class.

If it were a class for the profoundly retarded.

Girl: "Dad."

Dad: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I am a prostitute."

Dad: "Yes."

Woman 2: "Dad."

Dad: "Right?"

Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."

Father: "God, do you love children?"

Boy: "Yes..."

I'm not saying you're annoying.

But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.

I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.

I’m a paki nonse.

I'm about to cum!

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

I know this girl, Kamelah. She say, "What are you looking at?" I said, "I’m just tryna figure out why it look like Santa stole your hairline."

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

I'm upset, but when I saw you, you never let me down.