Im jokes
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.
Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.
Why am I dumb?
Because I’m dumb.
What did the window say to the door?
"What are you squeaking about? I'm the one with the panes!"
Get it?
Addison Banks Age (8)
"I'm a little brat who won't shut the hell up! And stop talking!"
Kaleb: Addison, are you okay???
Addison: Not at all. People think I'm annoying and stupid! Do you?
Kaleb: Yes, once I pound you in the ass.
The kid was a bit sad, so he was blue.
Teacher asked him, "Why are you so blue?"
The kid replied, "I'm not sad."
Teacher said, "No, your face actually blue."
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Like, if you hate wearing a mask.
Every time I'm out in public, and I see someone without their mask, I always feel like there is something extra special about them. Then I realize that I can see all their face!
True story by the way.
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Why you gay, bruh? I know why I'm gay. I got the wolf pack protectors spirit in me, YA BOIIIII!
What do you say to your pet when you're super tired, slow, and worn out?
"I'm totally dogging it today..."
Alright, I'm gonna drink the lo-carb one to see how it compares to the normal Monster.
Holy shit, it tastes just like the original one.
There's like a weird after taste though.
Kinda like a sparkling water one.
I love Monster. I've drank about 5 cans already.
Hey, I'm Gwen. I just want to say I am speechless.
Me, (AHAHAHA IM A JOKE AHAH Criii) Anyone wanna date? Lol.
Asdf movie: meow meow I’m a cow.
Me to my villagers in Minecraft: chick chick my guns cocked so frick.
I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)
My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.
Uranus be like, "Oh look, I'm Uranus. Imagine how disgusted I feel."
What song does an orphan hate?...
"I'm so lonely."