Ill jokes

How on God's green earth does my boyfriend have a phone?

JK WE NEED TO TALK ILL TYPE THE SECRET CODE (YOU'LL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.) GREEN PUSSY CAT LIKES BANNANS.

My dad said he'd get the milk, but he forgot I was in his car.

I'll start: Monokuma.

I'll give you an A because you're awesome.

B because you're beautiful.

A C because you're caring.

And I'll give you this D cuz you deserve it.

What did the hat say to the tie?

"I'll go on ahead, while you just hang around!"

My friend in a wheelchair is autistic and tried to fight me, so I said: "If you wanna fight me, I'll run up the stairs, and by the time you get up the stairs, I'll already be down the stairs waiting," and he started crying.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, When life gets tough, I'll stand by you.

Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

A proud father has six children. He always calls his wife "mother of six" to her displeasure.

One night at a party, he yells across the room, "Mom of six, we're going now." She replies: "I'll be right there, father of four."

Once my twin brother died from a plane crash. His last words were, "If it's a bomb, I'll give it a 9/11."

I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:

"You need to park a little closer."

I'll call your mom a cow, but which one?

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.

They say I have a silver tongue, I'll let you make it white.

We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.

Today I'm attaching a light to the ceiling, but I'm afraid I'll probably screw it up.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

I've got a job defusing landmines.

It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.

Roses are red, I like weed,

If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.