If jokes

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied, "No. Is that still required?"

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

If a man and a woman need a marriage license to get married, does a lesbian couple need a liquor license to get married?

If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?

Alabama's saying: It's not cheating if we’re all siblings.

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”

If ugliness was a brick, you would be the Great Wall of China.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

If a woodchuck could chuck wood?

As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck,

If a woodchuck could chuck wood.

Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"

My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.

"It's not a war crime if you win the war."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.

I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?

My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.

POV: I made a blind joke.

"That isn't funny. What if Helen Keller saw that?"

If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called?

A tEsTiClE!

My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...