If jokes
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they would be called bagels.
If Adolf starred in the Room, his most iconic line would be “I did not Hitler! I did not!”
If chickens wake up when the rooster crows, then when do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.
Friends are like penguins: if you stab them, they die. 😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
Q: What season can an orphan see their family tree?
A: Fall.
If you don't get it, in the fall trees have no leaves, there [are] just empty branches, like an orphan's tree.
If you humped a whale, it would humpback.
If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?
One day, little Johnny and little Susan were in bible class. Little Susan had been tired that day, so she kept falling asleep. The teacher said to little Susan, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt with a push pin, and she yelled, "Jesus Christ!" The teacher goes, "That's right, go back to bed." Then, the next thing the teacher asked was, "Who gave up their son for our sins?" Little Johnny poked her again, and she yelled, "God Almighty!" The teacher says, "That's right, go back to bed." The next question the teacher asked was, "What did Adam say to Eve after their 13th child?" Little Johnny poked her in the butt again. She yelled, "If you stick that thing in me again, I am going to break it in half and shove it up your own ass and see how you like it!"
If it does more than pee, it's too old for me!
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
If you thought an inner-city black boy cannot transform into a deranged pale Karen... well, just look at Michael Jackson.
What would Donald Trump be if he was Black?
Shot in the head.
I bought a wooden whistle. I tried so hard, but it wouldn't whistle.
So I bought a steel one. It still wouldn't let me whistle. Then I got a lead one. It still wouldn't lead me whistle. Then I realised, they were flutes, so the wood would lead me whistle if I did it correctly. Steel....
What's life if you don't have one...
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
If per capita is an issue, decapita can be arranged.
If raping someone is sexual harassment, then is raping a rapist inverted harassment?
If two eagles make a baby and two sparrows make a baby, what makes no baby?
Two swallows.
God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.