If jokes

I am whooping my doge's a$$. If you like, you can free him.

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

If you are what you eat,

why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?

POV: I made a blind joke.

"That isn't funny. What if Helen Keller saw that?"

If a bike is also called a bicycle, then what is a test also called?

A tEsTiClE!

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.

If ugliness was a brick, you would be the Great Wall of China.

Four men were asked if they could have something with their cousin for €500.

The first replied: "For 500€? Of course!"

The second said: "I'd do it for free!"

The third replied: "I would even give her 200€!"

The fourth replied: "With my ex? Never!"

My friend said an apple a day keeps the orphan away. I said only if you throw it hard enough.

If her age is on the clock, she can sit on my cock.

Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"

My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.

How is sex like a game of bridge?

If you have a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

"It's not a war crime if you win the war."

- Sun Tzu, The Art of War

I asked a emo kid if they wanna hang out.

I asked my friend how long I can be in the sky. He said if you are emo, then forever.

What do you get if you cross an avocado and a Glock?

Glockamole.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

I asked the orphan if he wanted to watch all the Tom Holland Spider-Man movies with me, and he started crying.