If jokes

If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?

If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

My wife and I have reached the decision that we do not want children.

If anyone does, please comment your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricant.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

It only takes 4 inches to please a woman.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s credit or debit.

What’s the easiest way for parents to find out if their child is gay Look in the closet

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?

Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?

Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.

POV: I made a blind joke.

"That isn't funny. What if Helen Keller saw that?"

I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck?

If a woodchuck could chuck wood?

As much wood as a woodchuck could chuck,

If a woodchuck could chuck wood.

If you want KFC, pour water on a poor person outside our restaurant and film it.