If jokes

Today on a drive, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

If your corona test shows two lines, is that then positive or negative?

If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.

I had a great day today because Allison was frustrated at her calculator and started banging it on the side of the table, and the teacher screamed, "Allison, how would you like it if I banged you on the table?"

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

If two blind people meet, one of them says: "Long time, no see!"

My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

Motivational Quote for today: If you're feeling tired and ugly today, cheer up, you probably won't feel tired tomorrow morning...

If you are what you eat,

why is Jeffrey Dahmer white?

Me to friend: I'm homeschooled.

Friend: If I was homeschooled, I'd kms.

Me: Oh, I already tried that.

I have a huge thought: if Satan punishes people who are bad, doesn't that make him good?

If an Indian had powers, it would be throwing tika masala.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied, "No. Is that still required?"

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

“If you're a dwarf and you're offended by that, grow up.”

People ask me if my friend jumps off a bridge, will I go as well? Of course not. I am a leader; I will go first, my friend will jump after me!

If Asriel were Sans, would his theme be "Jokes and Memes"?

Girlfriend: "Would you still love me if I was a figment of your imagination?"

My schizophrenic ass: Of course I would.

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would cut himself to death.