Criminal Record jokes

Oh, sh**! I'm late for my interview! Do you know where the nearest sex offender registry is?

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied, "No. Is that still required?"

Why do orphans have criminal records?

So they can be wanted.

Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"

"No."

"Have you always been honest?"

"No, never been caught!"

Why is Kyle Rittenhouse the Ultimate Crime Fighter?

Because in one night he killed a pedophile and a domestic abuser.

Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"

Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."

Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."

Guy: "About that..."

If you push someone that's bullying, if you kill someone that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.

Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.