Hygiene jokes

What is the sweat between Dolly Parton's boobs?

Mountain Dew.

My mom wanted me to brush my hair.

And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...

What did the mouse say after its bath?

"I feel squeaky clean!"

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.

What do you give the dentist of the year? A little plaque.

I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.

I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.

Poopies in my undies.

Why is Fairy's washing up liquid the best form of lubricant for anal sex?

No more tears.

Would you rather:

Fight Mike Tyson

Or

Lick an elephant's butt after it took a crap with diarrhea?

A, B, C, E, F, G. You smell like a baby. Maybe you should not be "Hati-ey."

Why do you have to wipe yourself with toilet paper? Because bugs can crawl, eat your poop, and drink your pee!

Did you know toilets, while you're at work, eat your toilet paper?

Your momma's so nasty, she sucked your daddy's dick and kissed you good night!

Why does Helen Keller look in the toilet after taking a poop?

Nobody knows!

Your mom is so fat that she cannot look at her feet when taking a shower.

What's the difference between broccoli & boogers?

People don't eat their broccoli.

Why did the toilet paper cross the road?

It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.

So you know how sheets are always so tight at hotels?

Well I looked under the bed and there is a freaking room cleaner holding the sheets. All he says is "Don't ask or you shall die!"