Mice jokes

What do gay people and mice have in common?

They both hate pussy cats!

A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.

B is for Basil assaulted by bears.

C is for Clara who wasted away.

D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.

E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.

F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.

G is for George smothered under a rug.

H is for Hector done in by a thug.

I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.

J is for James who took lye by mistake.

K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.

L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.

M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.

N is for Neville who died of ennui.

O is for Olive run through with an awl.

P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.

Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.

R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.

S is for Susan who perished of fits.

T is for Titus who flew into bits.

U is for Una who slipped down a drain.

V is for Victor squashed under a train.

W is for Winnie embedded in ice.

X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.

Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.

Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.

What do rats like on their birthday? Mice cream and cake.

What do cats eat for breakfast?

"Mice Krispies!"

What do mice eat for dinner?

Mac n Cheese.

How does cheese rat cheese?

It cheeses.

Two female mice met and one spoke:

"Yesterday I met a mouse. He was black, and he had wings, and he had some cool, sharp teeth. He said he only ate at night."

Other mouse: "Umm... that's a bat."

"That asshole! He told me that he is a pilot!"

How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.

Would you rather eat a girl out who has: herpes, COVID, and AIDS while she is on her period?

Or eat live worms, bats, and mice?

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two ;)

Why are mice bad singers?

They are very cheesy.

A mouse said, "Who should put the bell on the cat?" Then all mice said, "The old one."

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says, "No." So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?

They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Men: "I like dogs."

Women: "I like cats."

Chinese: "Food is food."

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?

There is sperm on the computer screen.